ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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