his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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