I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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