Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
