She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
