So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
