So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize