i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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