my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
