come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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