Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
