The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
