fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
