My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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