His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
