Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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