I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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