My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Randomize
