I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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