i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
