I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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