So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
