and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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