It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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