I cannot find my penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
