in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
