Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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