omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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