Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
