Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
