uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
