so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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