i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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