how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
