# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pants are for mortals
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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