Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
