i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
