omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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