I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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