She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
