Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
