You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
