I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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