I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
