I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
