im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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