If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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