And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
