Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
