her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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