i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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