Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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