Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
