If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
