had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
