mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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