Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
40s are totally the cure
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
