I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
