She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
