I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
how can u be prego again
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
