my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
