headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The air was thick with penises
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
