After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
