So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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