I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
