Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
