Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
