Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize