i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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