After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I bet he comes in French.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize